With Valentine’s Day approaching I thought I’d take some time to talk about love and how to feel more of it in your relationship.
The 5 Love Languages is a concept and book created by Gary Chapman. The idea is that we all have different ways that we perceive and receive love. Often times we don’t think about this and may be making efforts in our relationships that go unnoticed or unappreciated. I encourage all of the couples I see to take the free quiz to see what their dominant love language is and to then share it with their partner.
**See the link at the end of the blog to take your free quiz today**
1. Acts of Service
Acts of service are actions you can take to help out your partner. This could look like mowing the lawn, making dinner or doing the laundry. When the service is unexpected it will mean even more.
2. Quality time
Notice that this says quality not quantity. You could spend time with your significant other
without it having much substance or meaning. People who prefer quality time like to talk,
connect or do something out of the ordinary.
3. Words of Affirmation
People who like words of affirmation love to hear things like “you are so amazing” or “thank you so much for working so hard for our family.” Writing them a little note or sending a text during the day affirming your love and appreciation for them will go a long way.
I often see people struggle with this concept because when they think of gifts they think of big or expensive things. Those who prefer gifts do like those, but they also appreciate small gifts. This could look like picking a flower for them or buying them their favorite cookie at the store. It’s really just a way to say “I was thinking about you.”
5. Physical touch
Physical touch does not just mean sex. It includes all kinds of physical touch. Giving your
partner a hug or kiss before work or a massage while they do dishes will make them feel loved.
It is very important to know your partner’s love language to help your relationship thrive. It’s like investing in a stock – you want to put your money where it is likely to yield the most return. If after taking the quiz you still feel at a loss of what to do for your partner I recommend you ask them. You may be surprised at their top requests from you. Have them write out a top ten list of tasks that would mean the most if you did them. I once had a partner request putting down the toilet seat! It was simple but meaningful as it told them their partner remembered and respected them.
The beautiful thing about the Love Languages is that you can use them in any relationship – it does not have to be a romantic one. Think about your kids, parents, in-laws, friends, etc. and what means the most for them. Even without having them take the quiz you can often tell because most people express their dominant love language. For example, my mother-in-law is always buying our kids gifts and frequently gets things for us as well. I know that bringing her some flowers or something the kids made means a lot to her.
Here’s to spreading the love!